Thinking...and Mindset...After Trauma

How are you going? Wherever you are as a woman on the life and growth journey, please listen up!

It's a Saturday morning here as I write - a muggy one actually - and I'm writing to you because I honestly believe in the power of clear connection and one woman reaching out a hand to another in order to help, guide, share strategies and hopefully pull you into a stellar new orbit that can take away some of your past pain. 

So SKIM THIS!

And take note:

• Because today it's ALL ABOUT YOUR THINKING patterns and habits, and the ways in which these can spiral you up or down on a daily basis! 

• This is worth it and it's the stuff I've done myself to move my life beyond where it was stuck. And when I say stuck, I mean literally stuck. 

• When you see the flowers and the imagery here, the resources and the info, when you see the videos of our paradise farm in the making, I want to make it clear - VERY clear to you - it wasn't always this way for me.

Not at all. 

I had to work hard over a long period of time. 

I had to drag myself up out of the gutter literally. Those who know me know I had to pick up my rollup-pack, and lift my head off the pavement, and go and find support and help from others who could guide me. 

And then I had to open up to some new ways of thinking.

And I chose to open my mind and listen, and listen some more, and learn and learn some more, then take the advice given to me and action it.

And so I moved from the gutter into boarding houses as a first step to empowerment and personal change.

Then I moved from boarding house to tiny single studio room with a shared bathroom and a long dark, dimly lit hall (that was still unsafe and pretty crummy) but it was a step in the right direction!

New ways of thinking, AND then a little step! A small step!

An open mind with a NEW THOUGHT.

A small glimmer of hope. And choosing to believe in this with a kind of blind faith to replace the old stinking thinking!

After that it was a step up from the boarding house... where I was surrounded by a lot of down and outers who weren't interested in ever progressing beyond the traumas and pains and adversities that led them to the kinds of lives they were living daily. 

Then I kept on working on my thinking!

I kept on working on my thoughts.

I kept on building on these. And I went on to get work, and find friends, and even rent nicer houses to live in, and then I experienced buying my first home, and becoming a parent, and learning how to be be loving, then building on that attitude until I'm where I am today, in another country, with a different life and a

completely different MINDSET and set of thinking processes that are all about joy, meaning, wisdom, peace, success and productivity and clarity.

Fortunately for you and my many coaching clients, you don't have to go through ANY OF THAT STUFF!

I WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO.

Firstly - you probably never got yourself into the kind of pickle I got myself into, and secondly, you don't have to stay stuck where you are because most of the heavy lifting around changing your thinking has already been done for you.

BY ME!

I mean it.

You see, most of what I've done is pretty systematic and clear and follows a set of strategies and clear patterns that work.

And these are now condensed and organised and presented so you can SHORTCUT quite a few hard and difficult metres and yards I had to travel because I didn't have the right kind of practical support I needed to fast-track personal transformation and change. In fact, I got lodge in the therapy system.

That is...until I found REALLY GOOD COACHING AND COACHING PROGRAMMES.

These have been central to upleveling. They really have. 

And in fact I believe in this model so much  I adopted it as the approach I use with the women I have mentored for over 23 years.

So, about 20 years ago, my life - as yours might be - was plagued by depression, low self-worth, struggle and a lot of pain that was tied to my history and to early adversity.

• Now, if you've had a history of difficulty or trauma - or even some kind of adversity - something happens - to your perceptions.
• Your perceptions centre around the way you look at and see things, how you view a particular scenario or even a landscape or a film or family dynamic. 
• And while most women (and people and other animals) have a built-in "negativity bias," this becomes even more heightened if you've experienced early or late trauma or have had periods of adversity in your life. 

So...what can you do about it?

How can you move from a skewed and overly negative perception or view of the world, to one that is more uplifted and enervated and even imbued with the wisdom we so often refer to in our Camilla Slater Coaching programmes and in our Wise Women Sisterhood work. 

Post-Traumatic Growth

This morning here on the farm where I live and coach from (it's called Arapito Farm, on The North Island of New Zealand - which is one of the most beautiful countries in the world,) it occurred to me that so many women need a few simple solutions to help shift you from a more negative frame of mind or mindset, to a more joyful and meaningful and positive one. 

Working to shift this attitude can be difficult for anyone, and maybe for you - if you have an adversity or trauma history, it can be even tougher.

So...what is the solution?

• The key is to move into a more expansive approach,
• one that moves beyond self and memory
• focuses on the moment
• focuses on the more gorgeous aspects of the world around you. 

It's all about mindset.

Shift Your Thinking

When you learn how to shift your thinking, you move into a state of upleveled agency.

You move into a new capacity that is far more about self-determination and self-direction and less about living with a fatalistic or "victim" mindset and attitude.

It's important you learn this distinction, and you can do that through one of the processes we use in our group programmes. 

This VICTIM MINDSET can often be quite ingrained if you have an adversity history.

I know for me, it was very painful coming to terms with this as my true reality!

And that's why I offer women an extraordinary amount of support in the group programmes and elite one to one sessions, when you start to work on it.

For some, it's not so ingrained and yet for others, it's been debilitating.

This Victim Mindset can lead to:

• struggle in relationships
• tendency to blame
• feelings of being oppressed
• seeing the world as a dangerous place
• feeling friendless
• feeling alone
• persecution complex

It sounds tough to list these, and believe me, girl, I'VE BEEN THERE!

Every single one of those attitudes and tendencies RULED ME at one time or another. 

But not anymore. 

WHY?

Because when you learn HOW to shift your thinking and then increase agency, you also go through an incredible process of discarding or "shedding off" of old patterns and habits.

This is just one of the keys to you finding peace as a woman in the second half of life who really wants to move beyond the adversity and trauma still ruling you. 

It's very important you're able to shift it in the fastest way possible as I've said...without necessarily getting waylaid or sidetracked by years of intensive talk therapies!

While these are great, it's our view that while have their place, sometimes they can kind of keep you bogged down in a mire of muck and mud you'd prefer to be done with.

Can you relate?

That's not the case all the time. Some of my most wonderful connections are GP's and therapists and clinical psychs! We share our views and laugh about our different approaches - with openness, good humour and grace! (That a sign of mature and healthy relating!)

But often, the women who finally arrive in the elite coaching and group programmes speak of spending years in therapy with only minimal change.

In the saddest scenarios, they've remained stuck there, only to find later that there were other active approaches out there that might have helped them to really change, deepy and once and for all. 

That stuckness often has a great deal to do with the consolidation of thinking patterns that are unhelpful. 

So...if that's the case, how do you shift that old thinking pattern into a new one?

And how do you get clear with it?

In our view you commit to really good strategies that are incremental and consistent and also help you to change mindset and actions. 

It's like the difference between loads of talking and talking that shifts to action. 

AND THAT'S like the difference between scraping off muddy gumboots with a long, thin stick (which takes ages and leaves half the stuff lodged in the cracks,) or getting out a really good high powered pressure hose that does the job swiftly, cleanly and effectively so your boots look like sparkling new! 

 

Start REAL and Start Small

So when we talk about making these changes we really want to start you off with small changes that you can compound upon and bundle together into doable changes.

That's vital.  

It's also important you are working with others - preferably with someone who's done the work themselves and can act as a guide. 

And it's important too, you find positive community to support the process as well. 

It's important the process is REALLY FABULOUS, TOO!

Then after that, you gather momentum and really pick up the pace. 

See the INFOGRAPHIC below for 5 clear and simple basic tips for you to get started REAL and SMALL

These are all possible and help you on the journey from adversity to living your most beautiful life as a woman over 40+ who is ready to claim Your ONE TRUE LIFE.

For more great resources, reach out and keep an eye out for the next round of group programmes specifically designed for older women who want to really transform some past sticky issues AND ENJOY THE PROCESS while you're doing so. 

So remember 

• This journey can be beautiful.
• And joyful.
• And uplfiting. 
• And fun!

That's how we do it here, at Camilla Slater Coaching...

Much love. xx