Is it ok to be a tiny fairy? Is it ok to play small?

So often you hear it these days…you’re playing small, you’re not getting out there, you’re not living to full potential, you’re not ok…

You’ve heard that?

As a Hamilton life coach in New Zealand who works online and globally, I know this issue is a universal one.

It’s not restricted to you if you are working locally with a New Zealand life coach. It impacts women - so many of you women with esteem issues, adversity or even trauma histories all over the world.

New clients like you, from as far as Wellington NZ to the midwest USA, to LA, the UK to Canada and Australia, tell me repeatedly the message they receive from our current culture is “I am simply not enough.”

But are you? Are you enough…or not enough?

How do YOU feel about yourself?

And how can you consider this issue in new ways?

Empowerment and Life Coaching for Women

So what is playing small anyway?

And how can you play - really play - with your smallness and your sense of inadequacy in a new way that benefits your empowerment?

Empowerment (along with improved wellbeing) is a key component of life coaching, and yet the general coaching approach calls you to view “playing small as a lack.”  And that might be how you feel. 

But is it true?

Yes. And no. And both.

So let’s break this down. 

Here’s some examples I often come across with clients.

6 Ways You Play Small in Life

1. You doubt your abilities. You may be afraid to speak up in meetings or take on challenging projects, because you don't believe you're good enough. Imagine you’re a woman wanting professional coaching on esteem. And the doubt is so intense you don’t even reach out to get help because you think “getting coaching help” is more evidence of your lack of ability to perform well. 
2. You put others' needs before your own. You may be afraid to ask for help or to take time for yourself, because you're worried about letting others down. What if you’re a woman who needs trauma-informed coaching, and you keep putting your need for support after the needs of your family. It’s like the life jacket in the plane! You need to look after yourself first so that others around you can benefit from it too.   
3. You're afraid to take risks. You may be afraid of failure or of making mistakes, so you play it safe and never step outside of your comfort zone. And if you’re a perfectionist or fearful of competition, this can be even more difficult for you.  
4. You don't speak up for yourself. You may be afraid of conflict or of being seen as aggressive, so you keep your opinions to yourself and don't challenge the status quo. That can relate to your fawn response and it’s important to talk with me about HOW you can address that properly.  
5. You don't take credit for your accomplishments. You may be afraid of being seen as arrogant or boastful, so you minimise your achievements and let others take the credit. Imagine you downplay your achievements and then let someone else step in and unethically take the credit? Now HOW does that feel? Let’s talk further about that, because that it a women’s life coaching issue that requires unravelling.  
6. You don't set boundaries. You may be afraid of saying no or of disappointing others, so you overcommit yourself and end up feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Have you ever done that? If you have, there’s a lot we can help you with to create a new kind of boundary setting specific to Camilla Slater Coaching.   
7. You don't believe in yourself. At the root of all of these behaviours is a lack of belief in oneself. You don't believe that you're capable, worthy, or deserving of success. You don’t believe you’re ok. Imagine living with that attitude for the rest of your life when you actually don’t have to. When you are mentored and coached through this state into true state change and up-levelling, you can find enormous self belief and permanent empowerment. 

Now.....Take a breath! 

That's quite a list. And you might relate to some of the points raised. As an exercise jot down the ones that relate to you. 

And think about this, too....How can you look at “playing small” in a different way, so that when you are playing small, you can find a new way out of its loop?

Here’s a few tips that actually help you in that right here right now moment when you're feeling low and tiny and inadequate and not up to par. 

We all feel like that at times, and it's important in that moment, to know what to do.

Tips To Help You When You’re Stuck in Playing Small

1. Take your time. Don't feel the need to rush through things or to always be doing something. Focus on BEING and EMBODIED PRAXIS.™️ Remember to savour the journey and savour the small moments...because this is YOUR one true life.   
2. Focus on your strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths and use them to your advantage. What are they? They're there. Mine for them.  
3. Be selective about your commitments. Don't say yes to everything that's asked of you. Focus on saying yes to the things that you're passionate about and that you know you can do well. Make sure to leave space for this as a priority. (As a trauma-informed women's coach, I often see clients forgetting to do this out of old habit.)  
4. Ask for help. There's no shame in asking for help when you need it. In fact, it's a sign of strength. Strength comes from surrender. There's glory in the white flag. There's something very gorgeous and profound about simply taking a deep breath and saying I can't do this alone.   
5. Delegate tasks. If you have too much on your plate, don't be afraid to delegate tasks to others. This will free up your time so that you can focus on the things that are most important to you. And yes, it's a skill. Learn from us how to delegate lovingly and effectively with a good degree of strength, leadership and joy.  
6. Take care of yourself. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself will help you to be more productive and to enjoy life more. How are these fundamentals? How are you attending to them. Many clients need a lot of help with balancing and learning these basics. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Reach out.  
7. Be grateful. Take some time each day to be grateful for the good things in your life. This will help you to appreciate the small things and to focus on the positive. Make those lists. Do one in your hear and mind while in the shower. Start the day with one.  

Playing Small and Mindset for Women

Another important point is that playing small doesn't have to be a completely bad thing. You might also want to learn how to reframe it in new ways. Playing small and mindset are important to understand in relation to one another. 

You might want to learn how to understand how these fit in with each other and you might want to better understand your mindset patterns so you can change the way you think. 

But it’s tough trying to change attitudes and mindset and address this all on your own.

It really is. (Here's a link to a great article on consistency that might give you some helpful insight.)

In fact, it can feel like an impossibility, with you making progress and making progress and sliding back again and again and again, which is why women will work with me as a guide. 

I coach you to consistently take the guiding words on a page  - like the ones above - and transform them into ongoing and sustainable and TRUE change and transformation. 

Transformation and Life Coaching for Women 

It happens. Change happens.

It happens when you work with a really good and perceptive coach. 

And Creating Your Path - your own new path - can be a really wonderful and exciting journey. It isn't all hard work and doom and gloom and there’s extraordinary hope and joy to be had when you reach your goals AND along the way. 

Reach out to Camilla to find out more. 

Come to the safe and caring, weekly free group conversations online on Zoom.

CREATING YOUR PATH ZOOM LINK

Or if you’re ready to take bigger action, book in here for your introductory conversation with me. 

Playiong free discovery call here 

Love from Camilla 🌸